Upon my return to Siberia, I told my Master about this and he informed me that stupidity and ignorance a truly huge and that it is not possible to help everybody; help should only be given to those who can be helped!
As no one else turned up after her, I had time for revising the events of the day. I went to my hotel room, lit some tee lights and incense sticks and, sitting in front of my Teacher’s picture, I started to pray. In front of my eyes, at various speeds, rushed the images of the day’s events and I looked at them as if I watching a movie. Images charged with either an intellectual or emotional reaction or the ones where there was an identification of some sorts or where I was trying to justify myself in order to protect myself, my ego and my pride lingered on. Before this woman had come into the room, I had entertained thoughts of omnipotence; I had been convinced that I could help practically everybody. But how can anyone be clean enough to be able to hear God’s will?? Indeed, when we are identified, when we protect our ego and our pride, we only have ears for them. In these cases we live in a lie, a lie that we tell to our own self. We cheat ourselves that we are clean channels when, in reality, we have become channels of ignorance and arrogance. In this moment we are not able of helping people and not even of helping ourselves. In these instances our ignorance about ourselves and the world is truly immense!
“God, please, fill me with understanding! Help me to become aware of my ignorance and of my ignorance before You! How do I dare judging your creation, no matter what the circumstances are?” The image of the woman who had come earlier for help and whom I could not help was before my eyes. Regardless of what she was like, she had had faith in the fact that she could be helped. Yet, in that moment, I had thought about myself and had felt pleasure in thinking that I was able to see how society created ignorance, that I could see how society created imperfection when others could not see any of this. Yet, she had been also created by God for a specific purpose.
My prayer lasted for several hours. At first, the images of the events appeared and disappeared without altering my inner state, whilst I attempted an intellectual explanation: “Yes, I was wrong! Yes, I am bad! Yes, I have judged this person and society!” Yet, there was no emotional breakthrough. I could not feel any bliss and this meant that there could not be purification. There was no one else to accuse for this. I started to generate fury against myself and started to shout at myself aloud. It lasted 10-15 min. At long last, I felt energetic freedom from these essences and inner light started to appear melting the ice in my chest, as if removing a heavy stone from it.
Grace, as a golden ray, started to fill up my chest, my whole body and, then, the whole space around me. The two Teachers appeared in front of my eyes and I felt their hands over my head. I had passed another exam in the school of life, life went on….
HEALERS! HEAL YOURSELF!
If you will ever need to visit a spiritual healer, firstly check out if he is healthy, if he acts correctly in his life, if he judges other people, if he offends others and only then, when you see that he is above all this, you can safely seek his help.
If anyone of you practices spiritual healing use this experience and try to practice self-purification every evening. Even better, start a cleansing process under a Master’s guidance as he can teach you how to do this correctly.
(To be continued: How conceited behaviour lead to illness?...)